I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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