Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize