i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
