lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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