I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
