Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
