I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
