I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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