Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
