Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What drink are we having for lunch?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
