I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
