is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
