Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
