somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
