They should really pass out barf bags in church
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
