is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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