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They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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