I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
