tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
