dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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