There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
