You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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