so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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