Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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