With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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