I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
