Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
