This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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