Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
