that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
