bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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