"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
