Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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