at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
