I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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