my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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