We got so high we made milksteak
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
