I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
