you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Actions speak louder than pants.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
