We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Randomize
