I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
