Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
