just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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