If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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