I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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