I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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