it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
