Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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