Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
