Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
