the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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