Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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