I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
