Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
