Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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