The best revenge is premature balding
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize