At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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