you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
