my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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