The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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