I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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