What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize