I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
