If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
