Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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