Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Panties = found
Randomize
