You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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