do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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