Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize