I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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