do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
