I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
