it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
