i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize