you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
