So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
