Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize