girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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