Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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